Before diving into our The Acolyte Episode 6 recap and spoilers for “Teach/Corrupt,” let’s briefly discuss last week’s action-packed chapter.
We learn that Qimir is the mysterious baddie who teaches Mae how to throw knives. Everyone fought, some better than others, and nearly every Jedi died at Qimir’s hand and helmet. Mae switches places with Osha after performing the most dramatic haircut in recorded history, meets up with Sol, and leaves her sister to die. Luckily, or unluckily, Qimir, a self-proclaimed Sith, finds her body and carries her away.
Fans were once again divided, with some proclaiming the episode the greatest thing to happen to Star Wars since Midichlorines, while others blasted the bad writing, cheesy acting, and general disregard for pre-established lore. I’m just watching this thing to see if one of the mothers turns out to be the big bad guy. I need the confidence boost.
Anyway, let’s get to The Acolyte Episode 6.
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Star Wars: The Acolyte Episode 6 recap and spoilers
The Acolyte Episode 6 opens with Osha once again waking from a nap. She does this a lot. After wandering around the set and finding Mae’s clothes, she emerges next to an ocean on an island resembling the one where Ray found Luke squeezing blue milk from an alien nipple. Are we going to get some Qimir milking action?!
A title card explains this is an “Unknown Planet.” One inhabited by strange bird-like beings.
Osha spots Qimir and decides to pursue.
Back on Khofar, Sol sends a signal to Coruscant:
(My team is dead!)
Unbeknownst to the Master Jedi, Mae is onboard. Don’t fret! For the strange chipmunk tracker caught her scent (or the smell of burning hair) and is on the case.
Sol mourns his fallen comrades and shows a lot of emotion for a guy who’s not supposed to show any emotion. He might be a little nuts.
The furry tracker thing finds Pip, plugs the droid into a socket, and …
We cut back to Osha spying on Qimir as he bathes in the ocean. She grabs his lightsaber. “How does it feel?” he says, turning around and slowly swimming to shore. He exits the water and begins putting on his clothes, all the while goading Osha. “You’re wondering, is it honorable to kill me now?”
“Am I your prisoner?” Osha asks.
“Prisoner, you’re the one with the weapon,” he says smoothly.
Then he just sort of walks away, and Osha follows, clearly curious about this muscle-packing fella.
Why are these episodes so truncated?
We return to Mae, who endures an awkward hug from Sol. “I’m sorry, it’s time to make things right. It’s time to face the high council and tell them everything.”
How does this guy not know this isn’t Osha?
Suddenly, the show jumps to Coruscant, where Vernestra chats with a hologram. The Senate wants to review the Order — kind of like an audit. This news concerns Vernestra, who knows the Jedi have a lot of skeletons in their closets.
Osha follows Qimir along the beach. He explains that he used to be a Jedi and then starts screwing with her brain. “Someone needs to teach you,” he says. “You hungry?” Osha has two choices: swim to the ship and escape or follow Qimir to a potentially delicious meal. Drama.
Mae, meanwhile, gets attacked by the chipmunk, and it’s a lot like Austin Powers’ duel with Mini Me but far more ridiculous. Also, it leads to nothing.
Osha follows Qimir into his layer, looking slightly disappointed to see him cooking soup. He tempts her with the Dark Side and finds it surprisingly easy to sway her opinion.
“You killed my friends,” she snaps.
“Yeah, but they were Jedi,” he reasons.
“You killed Yord,” she snaps.
“Yeah, but Yord sucked,” he says calmly.
“You killed Jecki,” she snaps.
“You would’ve had the same relationship with her that you have with your Master,” he says. Um, what?
“You killed, er, those other Jedi that didn’t get a single line of dialogue,” she snaps.
He rolls his eyes. “But the Dark Side is so much cooler.”
“I’m not my sister. I’m not that easily corrupted.” Osha storms out. Qimir follows and dares her to kill him. “Let me go,” she snaps.
“What you’re feeling right now,” Qimir says, “this anger, this pain, this is who you are. The Jedi saw it, and that’s why they threw you away.”
Didn’t he try to kill Osha in the last episode?
“Why aren’t you a Jedi?” he bellows.
She ignites his lightsaber and places it against his neck. Or, at least, close to his neck.
“I understand,” he says. “I lost everything, Osha. When you lose everything, that’s when you’re finally free.”
She pulls back the blade. Apparently, she’s just like her sister.
On Coruscant, Vernestra joins the next assault force. We get a strange conversation between her and another Jedi who pokes fun at her inability to fly through space without getting sick. Somehow, no one takes the opportunity to turn this into a joke about her green skin.
Elsewhere, Mae speaks with Sol. He’s upset at not sensing Qimir … I’m trying to get into this episode, but honestly, there’s not much here. Long story short, he realizes Mae’s deception and blasts her with one of those handy stun guns.
Sol cries too much.
Hilariously, just as Sol zips into hyperspace, Vernestra arrives and begins her own painfully slow journey into the dense forest of Khofar.
Inside the cave, Osha and Qimir continue their boring conversation. She spots a scar on his back. I assume he removed a tramp stamp, but he claims someone stabbed him in the back. Hmmm.
“Like a Jedi Master?” Osha asks.
He quickly changes the subject by presenting his sensory-blocking helmet made from Cortosis. Okay. It also destroys lightsabers and makes chili and fries.
“Try it on,” he says.
“I don’t trust you,” she snaps. I mean, less than twenty minutes ago, she wanted to kill Qimir. Now, she’s minutes away from joining his cause. Imagine where she’ll be tomorrow!
Vernestra and her posse stumble upon the Jedi corpses. She quizzes her nitwit Padawan, who looks like he’d rather build a blanket fort than wield a lightsaber. Suddenly, one of those annoying bugs attacks, and Vernestra whips out her whip lightsaber and destroys the creature without breaking a sweat.
I’m not sure what shocks me more, the whip saber or Vernestra’s sudden mysterious allure.
“D-d-d-o y-y-you t-t-think S-S-Sol k-k-killed th-th-them?” the nitwit Padawan asks.
“That’s quite the accusation,” Vernestra snaps.
You miss all the shots you don’t take.
So many questions. “Who did this?” the Padawan asks, “and why did he send a distress signal?”
Okay, so clearly, he knows it’s Qimir.
Elsewhere, Mae awakens from her slumber. Sol implores her to listen to his words. I mean, she’s strapped to a table and doesn’t have much choice, Sol.
Finally, we return to Osha, who touches Qimir’s creepy helmet and puts it on. Her breathing sounds just like Darth Vader!
Roll credits for The Acolyte Episode 6.
The Acolyte Episode 7 theories and thoughts
What the hell happened to Star Wars? George Lucas’ epic franchise has withered into a hollow shell of its former self, featuring bland dollar-store knock-offs of beloved characters, boring storylines, and dialogue that makes the “I hate sand” scene in Attack of the Clones read like Shakespeare by comparison.
Six episodes in, and I still don’t care about Mae, Osha, or even Sol, especially since the writers seem to go out of their way to make them behave like absolute buffoons. Osha, for example, is a kind-hearted woman who loves everybody, even droids. She wants no part of this conflict and seeks only peace. That is until a shirtless stranger spends 15 minutes telling her the Jedi are evil, and suddenly she’s friggin’ Darth Vader.
I’m not buying it.
Also, what exactly is the point of this story? Like, what’s the overarching conflict?
Does Qimir want to kill all the Jedi, or is he only mad at those who murdered Mae/Osha’s family? What is his objective? He yearns to practice the Force, er, Thread, without hindrance, but isn’t he already doing that? The Jedi didn’t know Qimir existed until he appeared on Khofar. Why is he striking now? What are the consequences if the Jedi Order crumbles? Would anyone care? Would the universe collapse?
Up to this point, all I’ve seen is a dull story about two sisters whose lack of commitment to anything makes them vulnerable to all kinds of manipulation. Again, I ask, how did Star Wars come to this?
Consider this magical moment in The Empire Strikes Back. Listen to John Williams’ music and note the sharp cinematography, the writing, and the acting — all of it comes together to create something truly magical:
Now, watch this bit in The Acolyte Episode 6 and tell me if this once-beloved franchise is on the right path:
Looks like a cheesy adaptation of a young adult novel.
So, where is this all headed? I still think Osha’s moms are pulling the strings. If not, what purpose did they serve other than to deliver that terrible “Power of many” chant? We’ll learn that Mother Koril and Mother Anisya are controlling Qimir, or something. To what end, I have no idea.
Or, maybe they really are dead. Qimir, a young Jedi who learned about their murder, tried to expose the truth and was pushed out of the Order by Vanestra. Ultimately, he takes up the mantle of Darth Plagueis and creates Sith offspring with Osha.
At least next week, we’ll finally see what happened to the society of witches on that fateful night. The only question is, will anyone care?