The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare movie review (2024)

Confused? Imagine how I felt when the film itself purports to open in 1942, and yet features its fictionalized Winston Churchill (Rory Kinnear) complaining about the United States’ reluctance to join the war. Like Pearl Harbor never happened! Granted, it only happened in December of 1941, and this picture opens in January of 1942, and after its crowd-pleasing Nazi-slaughtering opening scene in which Our Heroes, big-chested and bushy-faced and looking like they stepped out of a 1960s Jack Kirby comic (the pictures of the real-life figures rolled out before the closing credits are of weedier, paler Brits), dispatch  not just a small squad but an entire gunship from their innocent looking “fishing boat,” there’s a title card reading “25 days before” and I’m sitting there doing math in my head and is it adding up … ?

My advice to you if you’re going to watch this picture is to forget about these things. And, anyway, Churchill’s movie point has more to do with the Atlantic being stocked with German U-boats, which will likely blast any American ship bearing supplies or personnel right out of the water. British military intelligence, here represented by Cary Elwes and Freddie Fox (who plays Ian Fleming, and, yes, it’s the Ian Fleming; the movie makes a point at the end of telling us that the derring-do we’ve just witnessed and the folks who perpetrated it directly inspired his spy novels and James Bond and all that) concoct a scheme in which a special ops force will sail down to the Gulf of Guinea and take out a ship packed with supplies for the aforementioned U-boats. Without supplies, the subs can’t function and hence the shipping-across-the-Atlantic problem gets at least temporarily solved.

The movie goes for a “Dirty Dozen”/“Inglorious Basterds” vibe. Henry Cavill, extravagantly bearded and mustached, plays Gus March Phillips, first presented to the brass in shackles. After sampling their brandy and stealing their cigars, he puts together his crew, all of them apparent rebels and reprobates and rule-breakers, and which includes one really big-chested guy (Alan Richson) who’s a master archer. What good is a master archer in a firefight, you might ask. Well, you can take out Nazis in guard towers in relative silence with such weapons, which helps when you’re breaking out a team member who’s been imprisoned by the Germans. There’s also the requisite explosive expert, and so on. (Among the players of these mayhem-makers are Henry Golding and Alex Pettyfer.) On the ground a femme fatale played by Eiza Gonzalez and an undercover agent who operates a casino bar near the port (Babs Olusanmokun) conspire to distract the Nazis tending the targeted ship.